One week to go!

Flights are booked and seats are selected.

Passport/visas have been issued.

Funds have all been raised!

The team is getting to know each other and preparing for our work.

Our team travelling to China is tiny (4 team members and one leaves us half way through to travel to another orphanage).

Our team supporting us is HUGE!  If you are reading this, you are a part of our team!  Your positive comments, prayers, financial support, cheesecake caloric support have all made a huge impact on our tiny team.  This trip would not be possible without your support.

But when I take a break from getting packing, making lists, finishing up homework (yes, I'm taking a grad class that ends while I'm in China....timing is not highly recommended), I'm starting to get OVERWHELMED.  

One thing you might not know about me is that I tend to be a control freak.  I mentioned that to Perry the other night and he just started laughing.  Yeah, to those who know me well, I’m a MAJOR control freak.  I like to know the big picture and the little details.  I like to know how the little details figure into the big picture.  I like to know how the big picture impacts the details.  You get the picture.  C.O.N.T.R.O.L.  F.R.E.A.K.

I’m struggling with this trip and I finally figured out why.  I’m not in control.  I don’t understand how this one trip fits into the bigger picture.  Sure, I can love on these kids for a week, but does that week make a difference in the big picture?  Because our team is tiny, no one really knows how we’ll be put to work in the orphanage.  We have general knowledge of kiddos but no one area of expertise.  But three of us are parents and know how to pour out that kind of love that these parent-less kids don’t have.

Another thing that has been eating at me lately is thought of love.  That’s the point of this trip, right?  Love on kids.  Especially love on kids who don’t have a parent.  (Elise hates the O-word…orphan….so I try not to use it.)

Right now I’m feeling that love of a parent so powerfully as I prepare to leave my kids for 10 days. 

I love my kids so much.  I can’t imagine loving anything as much.  Sure, I love my husband but it’s a different kind of love.  I carried Carson inside me and I traveled across the world to bring Elise home.  As a Christian, I love Jesus but even that feels different, harder to quantify.  I know I would literally lay down my life for that of my kids.  Sometimes, by their reaction, you would think I love them too much.  Sometimes, my love comes out in an anxiety and worry that they find downright annoying. 

Can you imagine being loved so much by the person responsible for your well-being that you find it annoying?!? 

OK, a flashback to my teen years reminds me of that feeling….I’m so sorry, Mom and Dad!

Part of the stress I’m feeling this week is a need to prepare my family for me being gone.  I’m making dinners, stocking the fridge/pantry, making up chore charts, etc.  It’s all in an attempt to control (see!) and ensure they eat healthy, stay active and act responsibly.  Ultimately, all I can do is hope they are kind to one another and don’t eat out on junk food too often.  I can guide but I have to give up that control.

I think what overwhelms me is that I can’t imagine a life with no parent controlling those little details.  My heart already breaks for the kiddos that we will be with next week.  How can I show them an unconditional love?  How can I show them the love of Jesus, who made each of them perfectly beautiful although society sends them a different message? 

But when I get overwhelmed with those questions, I go back to the stress of getting ready.  It’s a good diversion from those larger questions.