"No Hope"

Let me start by saying I'm having a really hard time adjusting back to "normal" life.  I'm struggling with jet lag.  I feel sleepy, dazed, nauseous, congested, dizzy and just generally out of it.  I'm an "in control" type of person so I really, really dislike how I feel right now.

Added to the physical woes I'm feeling, my heart is still in China.  Thoughts keep running through my head.

I should be making a menu for the next 2 weeks and coming up with a grocery list to feed my family.

But I just keep thinking of the kids I met.

I should be addressing the stack of bills and important papers that arrived in the 2 weeks I was away from home.

But I just keep thinking of the kids still in China.

I should be focused on getting my kids ready for the upcoming school year.

But I just keep thinking of the kids who have aged out and are not longer adoptable but will live out their life thinking they aren't worthy of a loving family.

Friends, this trip has changed me.  I keep hoping I can get back to "normal" but truthfully, I'm not sure what my new "normal" will be just yet.

I am signed up for another trip next year with my daughter and several friends/family members.  That is helping me keep a focus on the kids in China.  We'll meet a new group next year at a new welfare house.  We'll spend the next year fundraising for that trip.  But then what?  

The thought that is running through my head this morning that I want to share is the question we asked on the final day.  We were told at the beginning of our visit that there were 180 kids in this facility.  But we only interacted with or saw about 30 kids.  At our final lunch, we asked about the other kids.  

We were told they live on the 4th floor.  We were told there was "no hope" for these children.

No hope.  

Those two words break my heart.  These are CHILDREN.

The children on the 4th floor are not mobile.  Every child we interacted with was able to get around by themselves.  We did see a very small number (3?) of children in wheelchairs but they had arm strength and could crawl.  

We were told these children live "birth to death" on this 4th floor.  If they are still alive at age 35, they are moved to an elder care faculty.

Please understand that I'm not being critical of the staff.  Having seen how they care for the children we saw, I trust the children on the 4th floor are cared for in the same manner.

But the reality is all of these children are being cared for by paid caregivers.  Not parents.  None of these children have experienced the ongoing, unconditional love of a parent.  

Please understand that I'm also not criticizing the parents who chose to give up their children.  As an adoptive mom, I've struggled with a range of emotions towards my daughter's birthparents.  I've settled on sadness.  I'm so sad for these parents who felt they had no option but to give up the opportunity to raise these amazing children.  Having given birth to a child, I can't imagine the pain and grief of realizing you do not have the resources to care for the child you have carried for 9 months.  For most of the children in this welfare house, the medical cost to care for these children in China is far greater than most can afford.  

We also asked how many children are adopted out from this facility.  We were told about 15 a year.

15.

Only 15 out of 180 each year will find their forever families and experience the love of a family.  The rest continue to grow older...until they age out.  New kids arrive each year.

15.

I presume that all of the children we met have files prepared for them but I'm not sure.  The two girls that I fell in love with do have files although the staff indicated they are working on them.  

There seems to be a standard of what is considered adoptable and what is not.

Friends, these are CHILDREN.  All children deserve the love of a family, regardless of a standard created by mere humans.  

Truthfully, I struggle with the larger issue of WHY these children are in this situation.  It just seems so sad and unfair.  The God I love and worship is a loving God...why does He allow for this situation to occur?  

Please join me in praying for the children with "no hope" and the staff that cares for them.  Pray that their hearts remain soft and loving towards these children with "no hope" and pray that these children feel washed in His love.  

My teammates Lara and Miranda have also blogged about this issue.  Please visit Lara's blog and Miranda's blog to read their thoughts.