Why a missions trip to an orphanage in China?

I've been asked many times - "why adopt from China when there are so many needy children in the US?"  My answer has always been, "That's where my daughter was."  I can't imagine God having designed a more perfect family for the 4 of us in this family.  We have our flaws and ugly warts, for sure, but God somehow put the four of us together to form a family I wouldn't trade for anything.  

OK, if CJ Fair asked me to be his girlfriend, I might consider....but we all know that isn't going to happen!

And if you have no idea who CJ Fair is, you don't want enough college basketball.  

I digress....

For those of you who don't know our story, we went through years of infertility to get pregnant. I lost my first pregnancy to a miscarriage early on.  That was a hard blow.  After years of trying to get pregnant, I couldn't understand why a loving God would allow me to get pregnant but lose it almost immediately after finding out I was pregnant.  That was a period of some hard faith searching for me.  I didn't get it.  I still don't get it.  And my heart breaks for any woman that experiences that loss.  

But I did finally become pregnant and was one cautious and fearful pregnant lady during that entire pregnancy.  I was scared to death of losing another baby.  

As an aside, when I was 4 years old, my mother was expecting a baby.  I remember helping her pick things up off the floor when her belly got really big.  And I remember my dad coming home to tell me my baby sister had been born but was so special that Jesus wanted her to live in Heaven with Him.  Fast forward a few decades and I was terrified the same thing would happen to my baby. 

All in all, being pregnant wasn't this glorious thing for my body or mind.  I'm in awe of that fact that we created Carson (with lots of help from a great medical staff!) but I really had no desire to go through that again.  I couldn't see doing the drugs or testing or hormonal roller coaster again.  So we considered adoption.  Various factors led us to consider adopting from China.  We knew almost nothing about China at the time and had no idea how precious the country would become to us.

The process was just as nerve wracking as a pregnancy.  9/11 hit right after we started our paperwork.  SARS hit full force and almost delayed our trip.  We had no idea how we'd come up with the funds.  But, doors kept opening along the way that made us realize we were on the right path.  We also made some amazing friends during the process.  There is a bond between adoptive families that is unique to any I've seen.  It's a special club but anyone is welcome.

We submitted our application in June 2001.  We received Elise's picture and information in March 2003.  We traveled May 2003.  During that time, Elise was just this vague notion in our minds.  Seeing her picture for the first time in March made it so real.  It was like seeing an ultrasound for the first time and realizing THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.  But, I wasn't carrying her in my belly.  I had no idea what her life was like.  I knew very little about her.  

That is why this trip is so important to me.  

Elise was born May 2002.  She lived in an orphanage in China for 12 months and 8 days.  I don't know anything about her life during that time.  I know she was one terrified baby when she was placed in my arms in May 2003.  

We sent a disposable camera to her orphanage prior to our traveling.  We weren't sure we'd get anything or not but it was worth a shot.  When we received Elise, we received a precious gift of the camera returned.  We couldn't wait to get it developed.  I didn't want to risk having it damaged on the trip back to the US so we had it developed in China.  Mickey Mouse is alive and well in China!

These were the amazing pictures we received.  A small glimpse of our girl before she was placed in our arms.  She looks happy.  (And trust me, she lets you know if she's NOT happy.)  She stuck her tongue at all the time when we first got her so it was so fun to see her doing the same thing in these pictures.  

When she saw this picture, she got very excited.  I don't know who this young woman is holding her but I suspect it was a care giver with whom Elise had formed a bond.

Another big smile.  

These just melt my heart.  

For the first year of her life, I have 3 referral pictures (unknown ages) and this picture book full of 25 pictures taken around a year old.  That's it.  I probably have thousands of pictures of Carson from his first year of life.

So, that's why this trip is so important to me.  To see what life is like for these babies.  To have a chance to love on them and hopefully let them see that these strangers who look/smell/sounds so different aren't really that scary.  To assist the caregivers in any way possible.  Those care givers (in a different orphanage) took care of my baby for the first year of her life and I want to give back in any way possible.  I want to serve them while I am there.  To advocate for those children still waiting for their forever families.  

And, maybe, possibly, be able to connect up with these children once they are adopted and provide their parents with the precious gift of a few pictures of their children from that period before they joined their families.

I wrote way more than I anticipated.  I trust someone needed to hear all this detail. :)