44 pounds!

Yikes....we are limited to 44 pounds for our in country flights in China so that's our goal in packing.  I'm generally an "everything but the kitchen sink" type of packer so scaling down is a challenge.  Having been to China, I've learned to wear my heaviest clothes (jeans) and carry my next heaviest outfit as my backup outfit in my carry on.  Wear my heaviest shoes (running shoes) on the plane.  I know not to bring workout gear because walking will serve as my workout (and I'm already wearing those shoes on the plane).  Don't bring full size bottles of shampoo, conditioner and soap....only enough to get me through.  Clothes that I can ditch along the way to make room for treasures I might pick up along the way and need to fit within those magical 44 pounds.

And on this trip, I need to include gifts for the orphanage staff and items for the kiddos.  Can you believe there are gifts for 50 individuals, a parachute, stickers, coloring books, play scarves and more?!?  Those will likely all be left behind, leaving lots of room for treasures to come back with me.

I'm at 40 pounds with everything in there right now.  4 precious more pounds to pack and still so many things in my mind that have to fit!

One week to go!

Flights are booked and seats are selected.

Passport/visas have been issued.

Funds have all been raised!

The team is getting to know each other and preparing for our work.

Our team travelling to China is tiny (4 team members and one leaves us half way through to travel to another orphanage).

Our team supporting us is HUGE!  If you are reading this, you are a part of our team!  Your positive comments, prayers, financial support, cheesecake caloric support have all made a huge impact on our tiny team.  This trip would not be possible without your support.

But when I take a break from getting packing, making lists, finishing up homework (yes, I'm taking a grad class that ends while I'm in China....timing is not highly recommended), I'm starting to get OVERWHELMED.  

One thing you might not know about me is that I tend to be a control freak.  I mentioned that to Perry the other night and he just started laughing.  Yeah, to those who know me well, I’m a MAJOR control freak.  I like to know the big picture and the little details.  I like to know how the little details figure into the big picture.  I like to know how the big picture impacts the details.  You get the picture.  C.O.N.T.R.O.L.  F.R.E.A.K.

I’m struggling with this trip and I finally figured out why.  I’m not in control.  I don’t understand how this one trip fits into the bigger picture.  Sure, I can love on these kids for a week, but does that week make a difference in the big picture?  Because our team is tiny, no one really knows how we’ll be put to work in the orphanage.  We have general knowledge of kiddos but no one area of expertise.  But three of us are parents and know how to pour out that kind of love that these parent-less kids don’t have.

Another thing that has been eating at me lately is thought of love.  That’s the point of this trip, right?  Love on kids.  Especially love on kids who don’t have a parent.  (Elise hates the O-word…orphan….so I try not to use it.)

Right now I’m feeling that love of a parent so powerfully as I prepare to leave my kids for 10 days. 

I love my kids so much.  I can’t imagine loving anything as much.  Sure, I love my husband but it’s a different kind of love.  I carried Carson inside me and I traveled across the world to bring Elise home.  As a Christian, I love Jesus but even that feels different, harder to quantify.  I know I would literally lay down my life for that of my kids.  Sometimes, by their reaction, you would think I love them too much.  Sometimes, my love comes out in an anxiety and worry that they find downright annoying. 

Can you imagine being loved so much by the person responsible for your well-being that you find it annoying?!? 

OK, a flashback to my teen years reminds me of that feeling….I’m so sorry, Mom and Dad!

Part of the stress I’m feeling this week is a need to prepare my family for me being gone.  I’m making dinners, stocking the fridge/pantry, making up chore charts, etc.  It’s all in an attempt to control (see!) and ensure they eat healthy, stay active and act responsibly.  Ultimately, all I can do is hope they are kind to one another and don’t eat out on junk food too often.  I can guide but I have to give up that control.

I think what overwhelms me is that I can’t imagine a life with no parent controlling those little details.  My heart already breaks for the kiddos that we will be with next week.  How can I show them an unconditional love?  How can I show them the love of Jesus, who made each of them perfectly beautiful although society sends them a different message? 

But when I get overwhelmed with those questions, I go back to the stress of getting ready.  It’s a good diversion from those larger questions. 

Updates

I haven't posted in a while...busy, busy, busy times!  Lots of thoughts churning in my head that I need to process:

• We have our airline tickets!  HOLY COW...that makes this trip seem much more real!  I have to admit that I usually get about 7 hours into the 14 hour flight and realize I’M DONE!  Unfortunately, there’s not a lot you can do at that point.  If you have any good book recommendations, send them my way.  I’ll have some time to kill on that flight.  I’m not the type of person who is used to sitting that long. 

• I met my first fundraising goal!!!!  The fundraising has been my biggest concern, truthfully.  My friend Becki kept saying that the fundraising is all part of the story and she has been right.  God has been really good in this arena. 

• My next/final fundraising goal is staring me in my face.  The costs are slightly higher because our group is so tiny (4 team members!)  I’m trying to remain calm and remember how blessed this process has been so far. 

• I’m trying to emotionally prepare for this trip.  I followed along the blog of a team as they were in China (http://acttripmay2014.wordpress.com/).  Reading their story has left me in tears at times.  I wonder if I have the emotional strength for this trip.  How hard will it be to leave these kids?  I’m pretty sure our family is complete (although I did check to see if we were too old to adopt….we’re not!).  So, why go?  I hope I touch someone along this path who might consider adoption in some form.  

• We’re starting to talk/plan for a team to go next summer.  I’m feeling excited, overwhelmed, and nervous about that trip.  It’s an amazing group of individuals and I pray God’s plan for a 2015 trip is made known to them.   This is not a trip for everyone and I hope no one is discouraged simply because of fundraising.  

Our team is a GO!!!

Our team is a GO!!!  I'm thrilled but was emotionally prepared for the possibility that the team wouldn't have enough team members.  We're a small team, but going!  I can't wait to see what God has in store for this tiny but mighty team!

But, a new slight panic has started.  We are officially 10 days out from our first financial deadline.  GULP!  

When we were first notified about that deadline, I was about $1,200 away from that fundraising goal.  Tonight, I'm $432 away from that first goal.  $432.  How does God do that?!?  $432 is a little less panic inducing than $1,200.  If nothing else, it's showing me that this trip is His plan for me right now.  

We will have another fundraising deadline in another month.  The real me should be more panicked about that that deadline.  But, I'm not.  I'm seeing how God is really working through amazing people.  People have bought ridiculous amounts of cheesecake.  And people have been have so generous above and beyond the cheesecake fundraising we've done so far.  

If you've shared with me a kind word about the trip, a promise to pray for the team or financial support, please know that God has used YOU to quell my panic.  Those words of comfort, promises of prayer and every dollar seems to come at the PERFECT time.  God knows when I need those encouragements and has used you to provide them.  THANK YOU for being a part of this journey with our team!

The new Matthew West song seems to play every stinkin' time I'm in the car (the only time I really listen to the radio).  I love this song and the lyrics.  It just affirms our need to step in the story of others and Do Something to help those in need.

Why a missions trip to an orphanage in China?

I've been asked many times - "why adopt from China when there are so many needy children in the US?"  My answer has always been, "That's where my daughter was."  I can't imagine God having designed a more perfect family for the 4 of us in this family.  We have our flaws and ugly warts, for sure, but God somehow put the four of us together to form a family I wouldn't trade for anything.  

OK, if CJ Fair asked me to be his girlfriend, I might consider....but we all know that isn't going to happen!

And if you have no idea who CJ Fair is, you don't want enough college basketball.  

I digress....

For those of you who don't know our story, we went through years of infertility to get pregnant. I lost my first pregnancy to a miscarriage early on.  That was a hard blow.  After years of trying to get pregnant, I couldn't understand why a loving God would allow me to get pregnant but lose it almost immediately after finding out I was pregnant.  That was a period of some hard faith searching for me.  I didn't get it.  I still don't get it.  And my heart breaks for any woman that experiences that loss.  

But I did finally become pregnant and was one cautious and fearful pregnant lady during that entire pregnancy.  I was scared to death of losing another baby.  

As an aside, when I was 4 years old, my mother was expecting a baby.  I remember helping her pick things up off the floor when her belly got really big.  And I remember my dad coming home to tell me my baby sister had been born but was so special that Jesus wanted her to live in Heaven with Him.  Fast forward a few decades and I was terrified the same thing would happen to my baby. 

All in all, being pregnant wasn't this glorious thing for my body or mind.  I'm in awe of that fact that we created Carson (with lots of help from a great medical staff!) but I really had no desire to go through that again.  I couldn't see doing the drugs or testing or hormonal roller coaster again.  So we considered adoption.  Various factors led us to consider adopting from China.  We knew almost nothing about China at the time and had no idea how precious the country would become to us.

The process was just as nerve wracking as a pregnancy.  9/11 hit right after we started our paperwork.  SARS hit full force and almost delayed our trip.  We had no idea how we'd come up with the funds.  But, doors kept opening along the way that made us realize we were on the right path.  We also made some amazing friends during the process.  There is a bond between adoptive families that is unique to any I've seen.  It's a special club but anyone is welcome.

We submitted our application in June 2001.  We received Elise's picture and information in March 2003.  We traveled May 2003.  During that time, Elise was just this vague notion in our minds.  Seeing her picture for the first time in March made it so real.  It was like seeing an ultrasound for the first time and realizing THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.  But, I wasn't carrying her in my belly.  I had no idea what her life was like.  I knew very little about her.  

That is why this trip is so important to me.  

Elise was born May 2002.  She lived in an orphanage in China for 12 months and 8 days.  I don't know anything about her life during that time.  I know she was one terrified baby when she was placed in my arms in May 2003.  

We sent a disposable camera to her orphanage prior to our traveling.  We weren't sure we'd get anything or not but it was worth a shot.  When we received Elise, we received a precious gift of the camera returned.  We couldn't wait to get it developed.  I didn't want to risk having it damaged on the trip back to the US so we had it developed in China.  Mickey Mouse is alive and well in China!

These were the amazing pictures we received.  A small glimpse of our girl before she was placed in our arms.  She looks happy.  (And trust me, she lets you know if she's NOT happy.)  She stuck her tongue at all the time when we first got her so it was so fun to see her doing the same thing in these pictures.  

When she saw this picture, she got very excited.  I don't know who this young woman is holding her but I suspect it was a care giver with whom Elise had formed a bond.

Another big smile.  

These just melt my heart.  

For the first year of her life, I have 3 referral pictures (unknown ages) and this picture book full of 25 pictures taken around a year old.  That's it.  I probably have thousands of pictures of Carson from his first year of life.

So, that's why this trip is so important to me.  To see what life is like for these babies.  To have a chance to love on them and hopefully let them see that these strangers who look/smell/sounds so different aren't really that scary.  To assist the caregivers in any way possible.  Those care givers (in a different orphanage) took care of my baby for the first year of her life and I want to give back in any way possible.  I want to serve them while I am there.  To advocate for those children still waiting for their forever families.  

And, maybe, possibly, be able to connect up with these children once they are adopted and provide their parents with the precious gift of a few pictures of their children from that period before they joined their families.

I wrote way more than I anticipated.  I trust someone needed to hear all this detail. :) 

The F Word

Fundraising.  Ugh.

Honestly, the thought of fundraising just turns me off.  I have no problem helping others do fundraising activities or supporting financially other projects, but I hate asking for money.  Hate it. 

But, in order to make this trip a reality, I have to fundraise.  As do many who do these trips.  My friend Becki assures me that the fundraising is part of the journey.  If going on a trip to love on orphans is God's plan for me, the money is just a barrier in my mind but certainly not in His mind.  

So, gulp, I asked friends and family if they'd consider financially supporting this trip.  Many of you have so generously donated.  Each time a donation comes in, it's a reassurance that this is what I should be doing.  Thank YOU for letting God work through you in that way.  

The other thing I've been doing is looking for other ways to make money.  Elise and I have loved making cheesecakes for the past few years.  Elise is always on the hunt for new recipes.  Her newest creation was a Heath bar cheesecake for her dad for his birthday.  I wondered if anyone would be interested in buying a cheesecake for Easter.  I posted the offer on Facebook and thought maybe 2-3 people would be interested.  We ended up making 22 cheesecakes!  That was over $500 towards the trip just for doing something we love to do.  It was so fun working with Elise on making and delivering the cheesecakes.  

 Our Easter cheesecakes were yummy white chocolate raspberry swirl cheesecakes.  This is probably my most favorite cheesecake.  

We decided to extend the same offer for Mother's Day and Father's Day.  God must have known I'd have a lot of my plate this week as the interest was not as huge as the Easter cheesecakes.  But, we are still raising another $250 for the trip...just by spending time in the kitchen doing something we love.   This time we offered two options; key lime or chocolate chip.  

We anticipate doing this again for Father's Day with some guy friendly flavors like turtle and peanut butter cup.  As we look forward to a trip again next summer, we'll continue to do what we love and offer cheesecakes or other yummy treats for certain holidays.  Elise is currently hunting down an egg nog cheesecake recipe!

What I've learned on this F-word journey is that it's not as scary as it seemed at first.  Yes, asking friends and family was nerve wracking and I wanted to crawl inside the mailbox and retrieve all the envelopes I'd dropped in  But the kind words from friends, the prayer support and the financial gifts have gone beyond what my expectations.  God really does work in some mysterious ways.

Including through cheesecake. 




If you are so led to support this trip financially, you may do so at:
https://www.awaa.org/give/general_donation.aspx?us_designation=ACT%20Missions

Please indicated ACT Missions under designated fund and list my name as the participant.  

(Sorry, I had to include a shameless fundraising plug in this post.)

China

I have fallen in love with my daughter's birth country.  There are so many fascinating things about the country that we have a hard time understanding...such as the one child rule.  That rule resulted in my daughter joining our family but left her with many unanswered questions.

I loved the country when we traveled to meet Elise.  But I was a bit pre-occupied caring for my baby who wanted nothing to do with me. Plus we traveled during SARS so we did very little sightseeing.  My favorite activity was just wandering the streets outside the hotel in Nanchang.

Last summer I was fortunate enough to travel to China for work.  I've been involved in a program that brings Chinese faculty to the US for an immersion experience as a visiting scholar.  I love getting to know a new group of visiting Chinese scholars each fall semester.  This is truly one of the highlights of my job!!! 

I did learn to just taste everything put in front of you and not ask any questions.  I discovered I really liked spicy tofu.  

And here I am with my colleagues and the top educational officials in Gansu province.  Squellll....this was soooo unreal! 

Chinese students at one of the universities we visited studying hard.

My colleagues and a group of past and future visiting scholars.  They treat us with such respect and honor when in fact they deserve all the respect and honor.  Imagine leaving your family for 5 months to live and study in another country.  

Have I mentioned the food?!?  Beef noodles are the specialty in Gansu so we started one day with beef noodles for breakfast!.  Yummy!

And so much revolves around the meals.  The food goes in the middle and rotates around.  Everyone takes what they want from the middle onto their own plate.  And the food just keeps coming and coming.

I've found the people of China to be hardworking and fun loving individuals.  I had no idea that adopting a child would mean I'd embrace and come to love a whole new culture in the process.  I'm so proud of my daughter's Chinese heritage and hope she feels that same pride in her birth country.